The missing "P" in Arabic

Jad (جاد) our fantastic driver in Amman, Jordan is extremely endearing.

Just about every time I get in the car he asks me “Ms. Maria will you be going to BOLO today?” His English is impeccable and I know he means POLO but it’s not his fault. There is no “P” sound in Arabic and therefore all “P”s get turned into the nearest sound of “B”.

Just imagine in the states how it must have been for a native Arabic speaker to see “PUSH” on all the doors, for they read it as “BUSH”. They must have thought we Americans were really patriotic J

Cheesy jokes aside, in practice though even if “Pakistan” is spelled “Bakistan” in Arabic, the speaker will pronounce it as “Pakistan” given that the sound/word in this case is widely recognized.

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Taxistas em Sao Paulo

One of the best sources of Portuguese for me are the taxi drivers. Like most taxi drivers around the world they can entertain you on your journey with stories of their lives and families, their opinions on the economy, their favourite restaurant or football team.

There is a Ponto de Taxi just around the corner from where we live and every morning when I walk by they shout out their 'Bom Dia's' and 'Tudo Bom's' as I've probably caught a ride with almost all of them, if not once then at least a couple of times. I know some of them by name and some of them go to Cesar's barquinho too. My taxi rides double up as portuguese lessons too (that's how I justify it to my husband!).

I have a list of questions that I use to initiate a conversation:

'Você e Paulistano?'

'Você tem crianças?'

'Onde você mora?'

Some of them take into account that I'm just learning and speak slowly, stay on topic and we can have a reasonable conversation. Others lose me on the second sentence and even though I can catch a word or two, I just take a wild guess at what he's talking about. I'll then answer completely off topic which just allows him to either ignore me and continue or start on this new topic. I'll never know!

- One taxi driver told me I spoke really good Portuguese and that he could understand about 50%...

- Another told me about his three ex-wives and how 'loca' they were

- I've discussed the pros and cons of bringing up children in the country vs the city with another

- Tim can get them really going about last night's football game

- I thought one 68 year old driver knew the way until he got out at a traffic stop to walk over to another taxi 2 lanes over to ask directions

The one thing you can't avoid here in Sao Paulo is traffic (well unless you have a helicopter) but instead of getting really stressed about being late (everyone is late here anyhow), take it in your stride and use the time to practice a little more Portuguese!

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Amman, Jordan - The Arabic Teacher

I just arrived in Amman, Jordan and I thought I would polish up my Arabic with some one to one tutoring. I asked the concierge of my hotel for a recommendation. At first he said he didn’t know of anyone but mentioned there were some nearby schools. Then like an after thought he smiled and said “Ah yes, I have a friend who teaches English and Arabic”. He arranged the whole thing and by the evening I had an Arabic teacher waiting for me in the lobby.

Mr. Asim was most peculiar . . .

He spoke very slowly and loudly in an extremely animated manner raising his eyebrows and moving his hands around. He said to me as he pulled on his ears “A good student must listen” ….“A good student must be a good imitator”. Then he stuck out his tongue and said “A good student must pronounce like I do”

Wow what a piece of work this guy! I couldn’t stop giggling, but he just carried on. Out of the blue he said “ I bet I’m the oldest teacher you’ve ever had” to which I replied politely “oh no…” but he insisted and said “I’m 67 years old!” to which I replied “Oh, well you look great!” and then he said the unexpected “Oh its because I like my wife” “if you decide to take lessons with me I will give you advice about how to be a good wife, all in Arabic off course!”

Well he was funny and seemed harmless enough so I decided I would give him the chance. So I asked him how much he charged for the lessons. He replied, “ oh, I don’t like this question! You can pay me as much as you can!!” We talked some more and then he randomly said in Arabic “I love milk”, I repeated “I love milk” and he repeated, “I love milk” and then asked me “do you know what I mean?” I just had a blank look because honestly I had no idea where he was going with this. He finally blurted out “I love milk, every time we meet for the lesson, please bring me a glass of milk”

JAM English Flashcards: Fruit and Vegetables available online at jam.shop now!

Madrid - Dirty.jam

Sorry kids, Dirty.jam is only suitable for adults 18+ years old

Sometimes the difference between being an outsider and/or in the know or just plain understanding what is being said . . . is the SLANG. While Spanish is my mother tongue, when I first arrived in Madrid I could sit through an entire conversation with “Spaniards” and have absolutely no idea what they were talking about!!!! So in an effort to save you the embarrassment here are some essentials:

“Me lo pase Pipa!” = I had a pipe time

Translation: The phrase comes from having a good time while smoking a pipe, so if you “had a pipe time”, well you had a pretty good time. CAUTION: Pipa not PipaS as plural refers to popcorn. I made this mistake and when my Spaniard friends were done being amused they let me in on the fact that I had been running around Madrid having a “popcorn” time…

“…es la Ostia” “que Ostia” = It’s the holy communion

Translation: It’s the bomb as one would say in the USA simply meaning it’s the best of the best. CAUTION: Men say it all the time but its frowned upon when women say this expression. It’s considered too crude given the religious context. I also made this mistake and got nasty looks. J

“Eres un Crack” = You’re a crack

Translation: This nice piece of Spanglish means you are “switched on”... clever. If said “Eres un crack tio”… tio translates to man not uncle ie. You’re switched on man.

“Me estoy comiendo los mocos” = I’m eating my snot

Translation: Not literally … it just means you are bored.

“Que Coñaso” = What a cunt/pussy

Translation: Usually used to describe someone who is no fun to be around or a shitty situation. CAUTION: Everyone will say it (somehow its always sprinkled somewhere in the conversation) so don't take offense as its not considered offensive unless off course they are talking about you L

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Madrid - "madre mia!!!"

Madre Mia!! Shouted a guy out of his car window as I was walking Homer (picture below.. my rent-a-dog). This could only translate as follows:

Madre Mia!!!!! = My mother !!!!!

Translation/Meaning 1 = Mother of God!!!! I've Died and Gone to Heaven!!!

Translation/Meaning 2 = Mother of God!!!! How annoying!!!!

The meaning is left to the context, intonation, etc

Not sure which one he meant to be honest but if its Meaning #1 I'm sure he was referring to the dog...just look how cute he is!!!! Clearly anything but annoying!!! :)

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Madrid BABEL

One Sunday afternoon in an effort to escape a boring engagement (no names to protect the innocent J), I excused myself and said I had to go to Madrid Babel. I explained it was work related ... market research stuff !!!

I really had been meaning to go but it never really fit into my social agenda until that point. I had stumbled across it in the city events section of ASW (“ASMALLWORLD a private international community of culturally influential people who are connected by 3 degrees” … slightly pompous …I know!). Fortunately, Madrid Babel is completely down to earth. It’s an ongoing gathering of people from all over the world for language and cultural exchange. The creator, Fran Rodriguez Veiga started Madrid Babel over 10 years ago and has managed to keep it going this entire time. Madrid Babel was even recently awarded “Best Exchange of the Year” by Vibe Magazine.

I arrived at The Quiet Man, the pub tucked away in Chueca was loud and overflowing with people. I walked in confused and disoriented and made my way to the check-in counter where I met Fran. He had a big smile and gave me the basic intro “There’s the bar and just talk to people, there are different groups, French, Spanish, English etc”. Uh huh, I was beginning to think my initial engagement had way more potential when a confident 21 year old said “Are you here to practice your Spanish or English?” I wasn’t interested in either ( I consider them both my native tongues) but decided I would sacrifice my time for the greater good and practice English with the university boys J

EVERY WEDNESDAY 21:30 at Café Madrid (c/ Escalinata s/n - metro Opera)

EVERY SUNDAY 19:00 at The Quiet Man (c/ Valverde, 44 - metro Tribunal)

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Madrid - Teatro Real

I was regrettably running late for the Opera and I would now need to wait until intermission to claim my seat. In the meantime though I was escorted to the 5^th floor of the Madrid Teatro Real where I could catch a sneak view. As I settled in and looked around I realized I wasn’t the only one who was late. To my surprise we were all women (I speculate age range between 30s to 70s), impeccably dressed for the occasion and alone at the opera.

Without the benefits of the centre stage Spanish subtitles, I listened to I Puritani in Italian intently and enjoyed it all the same even though I had no idea what they were saying.

Eventually I made it to my assigned seat and in the final act, Elvira asks Arturo “Do you love me?” In our modern world a simple yes or no answer would suffice but in the realm of the opera Arturo replies with passion and believable conviction:

Italian: Viene, vieni fra queste braccia, amor, delizia e vita, vieni: non mi sarai rapita finche ti stringo al cor. Ad ogni istante ansante ti chiamo e te sol bramo.Ah! vieni, vein, tel ripeto t’amo, ah, t’amo d’immenso amore!

Spanish: Ven, ven a mis brazos, amor, delicia y vida, ven: nadie te va a apartar de mi mientras te estreche contra mi Corazon. A cada instante anhelante te llamo, y te deseo solo a ti. Ah, ven, ven, te lo repito, te amo, ah, te amo con un inmenso amor!

English: Come, come to my arms, my love, my delight, my life, come: No one will take you from me as long as I embrace you against my heart. I call for you eagerly every instant and desire only you. Ah, come, come, I repeat that I love you; I love you with infinite love.

I can’t speak for the other ladies but this is one of the reasons I go to the Opera.

JAM English Flashcards: Fruit and Vegetables available online at jam.shop now!